Don’t ever change yourself for another, nor ask another to change for you. We are not all meant to stay in the lives of each person we meet.
some people are great teachers, others are great lessons.
You will have very few people in your life whom you have bonded with at a core level, and you’ll find that the pressure to be anything other than exactly how you are, just isn’t present. These relationships, whether it’s romantic/friendships/family - feel like home. They feel safe and comforting, you don’t feel anxious before seeing them, you don’t obsess at what you said or did afterwards, and you don’t need reassurance that they love you- you just know. With these special people your changes for the better will be celebrated, your trips and falls will be met with care and compassion. These wonderful connections should be cherished and nurtured. They will last a lifetime.
It’s impossible to have deep bonds such as the above, with every person we meet. Each person in your life is generally meeting a need of ours at that time in our life, and we meet one of theirs. Once those needs change or stop being met we tend to go our seperate ways. We are vibrationally attracted to each other at that moment we meet but it’s not a deep soul bond. And even though it can feel euphoric or like you are closer than anyone else in your life, it’s more often than not just a fleeting friendship or relationship. That does not mean these encounters don’t mean anything to either person, and I believe they are extremely educating if you choose to open yourself to the lesson but Sometimes a separation from that person can feel extremely painful. It can be difficult to let go. The person gave us so much joy one day then the next it feels that the opposite is true, we find what was once heaven, feels like hell. So we blame the other, we look for a fault on their part to make them wrong, and convince them to change back, to meet our needs again. We set out to destroy the new person they have become, in the hope the old one, the one who met our needs, is still residing inside of them. We just want that connection back… at the expense of the others happiness.
We all need to respect and understand that we are ever evolving beings. We all have a right to change, we have a right to evolve and we have a right to walk away where needed. But we need to learn to let go of the other person if we are the one being walked away from, and to do it without hate or bitterness. Let go when you no longer feel that it’s right, if you guys are meant to be in each other’s lives, a little time apart to regroup won’t harm the relationship/friendship. Manipulating someone to stay in your life is not coming from a place of love, it’s coming from your own selfish desires and needs at the cost of the other person. No one owes us ANYTHING. not their time, not their love, not their understanding. Nothing. We only owe ourselves those things.
Be grateful of your encounters. Learn from the unpleasant ones. But when you let someone go or you are walked away from, do it with grace. Do it with love. These people at one time filled you with joy. They met a need, you fulfilled their needs… you helped each other or you taught each other for that period of time. Honour that for what it was. Don’t taint it because you don’t feel ready to let go of them or because they don’t feel ready to let you go. Remember them with love and allow yourself the space to be alone.
Don’t try to change into something that does not resonate simply to ‘keep’ someone. Be unapologetic about your needs and desires, they are yours you are allowed to have them. Don’t expect someone to stay how they were or to change into someone else just to meet your needs. It’s not fair. They are on their path. You are on yours.
Change for your highest good, heal for your self, love yourself so much that your happiness isn’t created or removed by someone else. People come and go, they can only take a piece of you with them, if, you’ve hinged this piece of you on how they made you happy by just being in your life. If you are, at your core, happy anyway, happy before them, happy with them and happy after- not one person can remove this from you permanently. You may feel sad and grieve, but if you know how to be happy alone, you will eventually be able to go back to that point without needing someone else to get you there.
If you seek true happiness and change, start within. Be alone. Sit alone and decide what makes you feel good and what doesn’t. Do you like nature? Do you like drawing? Cooking? Meditating? What activities do you enjoy that don’t depend on another person? Start there.
Evolve yourself until you are at the point that all encounters feel beautiful. No matter how short they are. No matter how uncomfortable they can be, embrace them all, release them when you feel at your core, that you are no longer aiding each other in life. Let go with grace. Let go with love. Then go on your path ready and open for the next wonderful encounter.
Life is meant to be fun, we are meant to be happy. Suffering is a state of mind. It’s not your reality unless you believe it is.
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